Wanderlust

(A “Tinturn Abbey” Spinoff)

God, if You can hear me, make today

A day I’ll not forget, a day with no regret.

Make today another reminder of why it is we keep on living

And not another reason to ponder what I’m doing

On this planet we call Earth.

As I peer out the window at the tracks below

And look beyond, as far as I can see, are smoky stacks

Dumpsters full of trash, somber office spaces, grey buildings

Fluorescently lit. And I find it only fitting that next to all this gloom

Are the miles and miles of tombstones,

Reminding us all of our impending doom.

And I have to ask You, God, why we do the things we do

Why we paint our blue skies with blacks and browns and greys

Why we fill our meadows with bland productions

Why we overflow our waters with more vessels than fish

And I find it only fitting that passing by again

Is yet another remembrance of everyone that’s dead.

But in between all the impossibilities we’ve come to know

There’s a patch of hope. A little critter guarding her newborn

From an excited toddler, running clumsily

To catch it. And I remember, God, what You’ve taught me

Again and again. Amidst the worst of the worst

There’s always, at least, a taste of beauties

We’ve forgotten.

Another choice, another risk, another chance.

I have to thank You, God, for the subtleties

You provide. The fresh grass beneath the dirt speckled snow.

The blue skies above the haze. And, of course,

The innocence of new life

Peeking behind the dismal doors of adulthood.

I hold on to these new beginnings as I go about my day.

Despite fatigue, depression, anger, breathtaking anxiety

I may encounter; I stop for a second

Just a little bit longer, and I’ll be fine.

Yet I still want to ask You, God, what am I to become?

There has to be something beyond

Just going through the motions. I can’t shake this

Desire for more. I see a trickling stream with small waterfalls

And know that it’s not the only one of its kind.

Is this it for me? Passing back and forth

Between the city and my 9,000 population town. Catching a glimpse

Of something more, when I spot an empty patch of

The Hudson, ice broken, sparkling in the rising sun.

Back and forth, caught between

The need for security, and the desire to be something greater.

Is this all I am to be? A zombie, holding on to

The little beauties of the world? The things that, just barely,

Get me to hold on just a little bit longer.

I cannot help but hope that there is more.

And as I look up,

I wonder what other lands this blue sky covers.

I see Your face, God, in every cloud

That passes by. And I know You’re watching over me,

So I no longer am afraid.

And I know, that it’s only a matter of time

Before I break away

Go against the flow

And discover.

September 2014